Kill A Squirrel Plant A Tree

Wait, before jumping on your soapbox, hear me out.  As I intend to offend everyone.

Squirrels are natural tree planters.  They perform this job most of their waking hours, gathering and hiding nuts in preparation for lean times.  Because they often forget where they’ve hidden all their nuts, new trees “accidentally” sprout in the spring.

My proposal, kill the squirrel during the winter, thereby saving all those hidden nuts.  That way, more trees will be produced.

Obviously, this process will not be 100% efficient due to natural losses (not germinating due to rot for example) and other animals (turns out squirrels are not the only nut eaters), but statistically more nuts remaining hidden in the ground equates to more trees.

On the other hand, as a friend of mine suggested, if you’re tired of cleaning up after said slovenly trees – so inconsiderate with their leaves at the end of the growing season, you can kill the squirrels before the nuts are hidden.  Thus eliminating the trees to begin with.

One way you enhance tree production, the other, you break the vicious cycle.

Do it before the squirrels acquire a taste for human flesh.  The life you save may be your own.

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