Interview With A Shrink

Went to an interview fairly recently where two people, an HR person and the owner of the company, interviewed me. The owner, I suspect, prescribed (a psychologist or psychiatrist, hence prescribed) the interview process in which I was caught: good cop – bad cop (GC and BC respectively). I won’t go into details, and all names have been changed, even mine – Lord Admiral Reginald Diamondsteed (LARD), to protect the innocent.

GC: Question, question, blah, blah, blah. Smiles. Pleasant. Leaves.

BC (Enters and gives me a look like I was deliberately avoiding the issue): So, I see here you’ve left some things off on your resume.

LARD: What? Like what?

BC: You have some gaps in your work history.

LARD: I have been out of work for the past year and a half.

BC (Question made with accusation in her voice): You mean you didn’t have a job between graduating from school and the first job you listed!?!?

LARD: What? I’ve listed my most recent employment going back more than 10 years. That is what most employers expect.

BC (Cheshire smile. The prey is caught then.): So, you did leave information off your resume then!?

At this point it occurred to me that this woman was off (in the head). She seemed to be insecure, and was trying to assert her dominance over me. Suddenly I recognized her as a smarter, older, more aggressive version of someone I used to work for (for those of you that worked with me recently, wp). The thought sent shivers down my back, and I almost got up to walk out of the interview. I already knew that this was not going to work.

LARD: Yes, I did have jobs before those listed on my resume. But, again, they are more than 10 years in the past, and not related to the position I’m applying for. I have been a machinist, a security guard, a dishwasher, a welder, and many, many more things.

BC leaves and GC returns. I’m thinking, what the heck was that about?

GC: Question, question, blah, blah, blah. Smiles. Pleasant.

I’m leaving out several more transfers of power (switches between GC and BC) during which BC tried to prove to herself (or me?) that I didn’t know what I was talking about and couldn’t do the job. We now skip to the end.

GC leaves and confers with BC outside the interrogation room. In the meantime I peruse articles left on the table describing the insanity prescribed (again I use that word) by BC to her disciples. I’m not buying it. One article in particular sends red flags off in my head. It is on the subject of stress being related to becoming ill. That I accept, but it seems, in this doctor’s opinion, that it’s not stress so much that causes one to become ill. It’s the quick removal of stress. So, one should disengage from stress slowly. What?!!!? So let me get this straight, one should try to remain entangled in stress, so one can ween oneself off stress?

GC and BC Duo: Blah, blah, blah. Hmm, she’s behaving herself in front of the GC. Going through the motions, because I don’t want to work here, and BC isn’t going to let me work here.

So, the interview is over. They don’t even say goodbye, thanks for coming in, nothing. As expected.

I go to the car and tell my brother about the incident on the way home. He often has a way of seeing things in a very different way to me, and says during my description that the BC sounds like a dyke. Pardon the ugly word, his word not mine. I thought about this for a moment, and suddenly realized that maybe he was right. Maybe she wanted to be the man in the room?

As a follow up, I never heard from them ever again. I keep trying to think of some way to put a positive spin on this whole episode, and cannot. Well, maybe this writing is entertaining to someone else? That’s positive, I guess.

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