Teaching a Dog to Tell Time – One Man’s Attempt

Day 1:  A sudden thought and I have an epiphany – teach a dog to tell time.  Having a dog that can tell time will alleviate the need to always wear a watch or to carry a timekeeping device.  Make this happen.
Day 2:  Obtain backing to finance the operation.  Suffer ridicule at the hands of those that lack vision.  Self esteem lowered by sniggering bureaucrats.
Day 3:  Not finding financial or moral support have decided to go it alone.  It will be a tough battle, but not having money only means less important things (like food, electricity, etc.) will have to be done without.  Note:  I am extremely optimistic about my endeavor.  Visions of winning a Nobel Peace Prize run though my head.
Day 4:  Obtain dog.  Who would have thought getting a dog from a shelter would cost so much?  Note:  Stop check to cable company.  I’ll be far too busy to need entertainment anyway.
Day 5:  Attempt to explain to Sid (Vicious – Sid for short) that biting his teacher is not going to earn him a gold star in class.  Note:  Get tetanus shot.
Day 6:  Woke to find Sid had shredded couch and my favorite shoes.  Attempted to return him to shelter.  Decided to keep Sid because they won’t return money.  Note:  Sid evidently suffers from motion sickness.  The smell in the car makes me retch (and air fresheners just ain’t cutting it).
Day 7:  After a great deal of thought, it was decided that a digital timepiece would be easier for the animal to understand.  Twelve hour time setting (as opposed to 24-hour mode).  Strap watch to Sid’s leg (at great peril), so the lessons can begin.
Day 8:  Training begins.  Note:  I have met with little success today, and wasn’t sure if the problem was due to the dog’s inability to understand the concept of time, the inability to read numbers, or the lack of conveying the information (speech).
Day 9:  Came up with brilliant solution to the speech issue (while watching a rerun of Mr. Ed):  Paw the ground once for one, twice for two, thrice for three, and so on.  Sid seemed reluctant to allow me to guide him in pawing the ground for counting purposes.  Note:  Research how long a tetanus shot is good for?
Day 10:  Decided to change tack and teach Sid to recognize numbers.  Note:  Working with flashcards, chalkboard, and sticks appears to have failed.
Day 11:  Injuries force teacher to take a short vacation from teaching.  Who knew that this would be so tough?
Day 12:  Sid ran away (thank goodness), and I have decided to accept the prevailing wisdom of others by just carrying a watch.  Note:  Rent carpet cleaner to remove Sid’s many, many leftover presents.

This entry was posted in Off Thoughts (Off as in Not Quite Right), writing and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Enter Captcha Here : *

Reload Image